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You Live You Die
If you"re too open minded, your brains will fall out.Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you"ve never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
Going to church doesn"t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you"ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again
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